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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29623101">His Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltachye/pseuds/deltachye'>deltachye</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Boss/Employee Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Reader-Insert, kind of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:08:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,635</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29623101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltachye/pseuds/deltachye</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>[reader x erwin smith]</p>
<p>“Did you mean it?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Erwin Smith/Reader, Erwin/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>202</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“C’mon, [Name], don’t cheap out on us now.”</p>
<p>“Ugh—you guys are <i>piss drunk</i>.”</p>
<p>You couldn’t be help but be annoyed that they’d all drank so much without you, though you supposed if you were in their position, you wouldn’t have waited up either. Oluo’s red face was no surprise, but even the sweet Petra and cool-headed Eld were leering up at you.</p>
<p>“We asked you a question,” Gunther demanded, slurring his syllables. The wine in his cup sloshed around as he leaned towards you. “It’s time for you to answer.”</p>
<p>“I’m not answering something that vulgar. Go cool your heads before the Captain sees you.”</p>
<p>“I knew it! You’d fuck the Captain!”</p>
<p>Oluo laughed savagely, making you wince. “A guy that short only means he’s lacking other places too!”</p>
<p>“Maybe <i>you’re</i> overcompensating!” Petra argued. You hoped she might bring a voice of reason, but a devilish smile crossed her face. “I think Captain Levi is the obvious choice.”</p>
<p>“Some of us don’t swing that way,” Oluo retorted. He shuddered overdramatically. “But I bet Hange’s into freaky shit. No way.”</p>
<p>“So, who would you screw?”</p>
<p>“Marlene, of course.”</p>
<p>“Hey, we agreed to only pick from Captains, not Team Leaders!”</p>
<p>“Well there aren’t that many options then, are there?”</p>
<p>“<i>So</i>? That’s part of the challenge.”</p>
<p>“I still think [Name] would choose Levi,” Oluo exclaimed suddenly, hastily redirecting attention back to you. “Wouldn’t that be rich?”</p>
<p>“No way!” Petra shrilled defiantly. “She’s more of the behind the scenes kind of person. No <i>way</i> would she choose a neat freak like him.”</p>
<p>“Oh, but <i>you’re</i> okay with it, Piss-Pants Petra?”</p>
<p>“Don’t fucking call me that!” After walloping Oluo on the back of the head, she shrugged. “I’m just saying, it’s the lesser of two evils.”</p>
<p>“Heh, <i>lesser</i>…” </p>
<p>They erupted with laughter. Feeling your own face redden as if the alcohol was aerosolizing through the air, you slammed your hand down onto the wooden table. Everybody quieted, their soldier’s reflexes still functional beneath the wine.</p>
<p>“If you must know,” you sighed, “I would fuck the Commander.”</p>
<p>“Commander Er—”</p>
<p>“You can’t be serio—”</p>
<p>“Not <i>Bushy Brows</i>—”</p>
<p>“Hold on, did you actually drink—”</p>
<p>“What?!” you defended yourself, more embarrassed than before. “You all didn’t have a problem with me and Levi!”</p>
<p>“Well, Levi’s not <i>Erwin</i>,” Gunther choked out, having been mid-sip during your declaration. “I mean, he’s… <i>Erwin</i>.”</p>
<p>“If I have to screw one of the Corp’s leaders I might as well go right to the top. Don’t tell me none of you guys thought of that?”</p>
<p>If they were sober you might’ve been keener to keep your mouth shut, but you doubted any of them would remember anything the next morning. Waving your hands, you struggled to make your case. </p>
<p>“Mike’s got that weird facial hair. Hange’s a freak. Levi’s a brat. Commander Erwin’s tall and built. He’s frickin’ gorgeous. He’s obviously the best choice out of them.”</p>
<p>“Oh man,” Eld chuckled into his mug. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”</p>
<p>“Seriously. Not a goody two shoes like you. You’re even softer than Petra.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean by that? I could fuck the Commander if I wanted to! Stop acting like I can’t!” You were ready to spew out your qualifications before somebody cleared their throat behind the door. Paling, you turned around. It couldn’t be.</p>
<p>“C-Commander Erwin.” Your salute felt stiff.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you’re all enjoying yourselves, but keep it down. It’s late.” His piercing blue eyes swept over the room. It might’ve been your fear paralysis heightening your senses, but you could’ve sworn they lingered on you a half second more.</p>
<p>“Yessir. We’re sorry, Sir.”</p>
<p>“At ease, soldier.” He walked away, his footsteps receding. You collapsed into the nearest chair.</p>
<p>“Does somebody want to tell me what the fucking <i>Commander</i> is doing in our barracks?” you hissed. Everybody shrugged unanimously, looking just as shaken as you. He normally kept to his office while on leave. Out of all people to walk in on you, he was the absolute last you wanted to see.  </p>
<p>“Hey, do you think he heard you?” Oluo asked, his thin lips pressed together in a poor effort to hold back a laugh. You punched him square in the jaw. God, you hoped not. You’d rather be eaten by a titan than try to explain yourself to him. </p>
<p>The next day, it was just a regular morning tending to your chores. You’d all but forgotten all about yesterday’s incident before a scout slipped into the room.</p>
<p>“Uh, is [Name] [Surname] here? Commander Erwin wants to see you in his office.”</p>
<p>
  <i>I give my heart to humanity…</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You knew you shouldn’t drag your feet, but you couldn’t help but be nervous. It was just as bad as riding out for out-of-wall expeditions. Between seeing your first titan again or confronting the Commander about how fuckable you thought he was, you’d take the former. At least you could kill the titan. Or, if you ended up dying, at least it’d be the end of it. Now you had to bear your shame in full corporal mortality. <i>Damn</i>.</p>
<p>Hand hovering before the wood, you gulped before grounding yourself. Maybe he actually had something to discuss regarding an expedition or past research notes. As a hand-picked member of Levi Squad, your rank was pretty lofty compared to the others. It’d make sense that he might ask you for your opinion on something. Besides, you were a battle-trained warrior. How bad could it be?</p>
<p>“Ah, [Name]. Close the door behind you.”</p>
<p>“Yessir.” It felt like you were locking your only exit out as you let the heavy wood fall shut. You saluted, feeling your hands tremble against your chest and back. “May I ask what this is about?”</p>
<p>“Right, well… perhaps you should have a seat.” He didn’t look up from whatever he was writing, always busy. His pen moved in fast, dutiful strokes. You were glad to avoid the eye contact and sat, folding your hands in your lap.</p>
<p>“You were in the 95th Training Corps, ranking third in your class. But instead of joining the MPs, you joined the Scouts. You made yourself known as an accomplished soldier. A couple years ago, Levi picked you out for his team. Am I right?”</p>
<p>“Er… yessir, that’s correct.” Shocked that somebody as important as him would know all these little details about you, your skin began to flush. </p>
<p>“You’re well accomplished for somebody of your age.” His eyes kept scanning the paper and you wondered just what it was he was reading. “You’ve got an excellent record.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. Um, Sir.”</p>
<p>He waved his hand. “At ease. You can just call me Erwin.”</p>
<p>Your eyes felt like they were going to roll out of your skull. You and the Commander on a first name basis? What the hell kind of dreamscape was this?</p>
<p>“Anyways, I’ll cut to the chase.” He finally flipped over whatever it was he was working on and steepled his fingers, looking right at you. “I overheard you yesterday.”</p>
<p>You’d expected the worst, but still, your stomach dropped through your toes. Fuck, what a nightmare. Nearly suffocating on your haste, you opened your mouth to conjure up an explanation, but Erwin held a hand up to stop you. </p>
<p>“Did you mean it?”</p>
<p>His voice was so dead serious that you still weren’t sure if you were fully understanding what this was about. His brow, furrowed heavily, had the grave solemnity of announcing death tolls rather than whether or not you’d… have sex with him. Were you misunderstanding something? </p>
<p>“Did you mean what you said yesterday?” he repeated sternly, and you swallowed thickly. </p>
<p>“I, um…” Realizing you’d been stunned silent for too long, you had to say something. <i>Did</i> you really mean it? Yesterday had just been a spur of the moment kind of thing. Playful hazing with your comrades. Surely, you didn’t <i>really</i> mean it. All you had to do was explain that it was just a bad joke, apologize for your rudeness, and carry on with your day as usual. </p>
<p>“Yes… Sir.”</p>
<p><i>What the fuck is wrong with you?!</i> Erwin’s expression slackened, and he stared at you with a mild level of shock that was no match for your own. Did you seriously just say that? Out loud? You’d taken too many hits to the head. Too much adrenaline for a lifetime. You’d gone clinically insane.</p>
<p>“I see.” He sat back into his chair. This was it. Gone were your glory days as a hero of humanity. You’d fucked it all up because of what? Horniness? God save you. You started to prepare your goodbye speeches before he made a strange noise; when you managed the courage to look up, you saw him shaking behind his hand. You didn’t think you’d ever seen the Commander so much as smile before, but here he was, laughing. At you.</p>
<p>“I admit, it surprised me to hear. I’m not exactly at the top of women’s candidates these days. Or so Hange says.” He relaxed into his seat, resting a head on one hand as he looked you over curiously. His deep tenor seemed to rumble in his chest as he dropped his voice. “Everybody has desires that have to be met. Wouldn’t you agree?”</p>
<p>You didn’t know where he was trying to go with this. Breathlessly, you nodded, a chill shooting through you. You recognized the feeling well. It was instinct to flee in the face of danger. </p>
<p>“Uh, I suppose…”</p>
<p>He leant across the desk towards you, eyes so frosted blue they almost looked white. “Care to engage in a partnership?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your nerves gnawed holes through your stomach. Your comrades noticed the sudden change in demeanour, their reactions ranging from true concern to downright bullying. But you couldn’t spare them any attention. There was only one thing on your mind. One man, you should say.</p>
<p>When the sun finally set, you crept out of your room down the hall. It felt like every footstep was deafeningly loud. With every step, you asked yourself if you were sure. After all, you were making your way to the Commander’s office to engage in… sexual relations.</p>
<p>It wasn’t even that he was forcing you. He’d made it very clear that if you wanted out, he’d pretend that the conversation had never happened, and things could go back to normal. Most of you knew the right thing to do was back out and just carry on with your life. But some of you—just a sliver’s worth—wanted to know. Why did you choose him in the first place? </p>
<p>“Oh, you’re here.”</p>
<p>The lamplight was orange, washing him with warmth that turned his blond hair to a shade closer to brown. You were unable to conjure a reply, silently shutting the door behind you instead. He was standing, papers in his hand. The tan army jacket was laid over the back of his chair, leaving him in his white button up. Your eyes caught on the muscles bulging beneath the fabric, his exposed arms having lengths of veins running across them. Before you could be caught staring, you forced yourself to look somewhere else. Even from this distance you saw markings scrawled all over the papers he was holding. Surely it was important tactical planning. </p>
<p>He sat in his chair, raising a large hand, beckoning for you to come. Shyly, you inched forwards. </p>
<p>“Busy day?” you asked awkwardly, unsure of how to breach the silence. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, disturbing the neat parting you’d always seen on him.</p>
<p>“Something like that. There’s a lot going on with the brass concerning the next expedition.”</p>
<p>When you were close enough, he reached out, taking your wrist with such a gentleness you hardly even realized it was him touching you. He guided you to sit on his lap. If it wasn’t real before, it was very real now. Warmth radiated through his pants up through yours, and you felt your muscles seize. You shuddered, not used to looking down upon him.</p>
<p>“Are you all right?” he asked concernedly. </p>
<p>“Y-yes.” Your teeth were chattering. “Sorry. I just—I, um, I’ve…” You winced, squeezing the chairback behind his neck. You had to just spit it out. “I’ve never exactly done this before.”</p>
<p>He raised his eyebrows. You knew it would be mortifying, but you didn’t think it would be this bad. The only thing keeping you from fainting was the fact that you’d be even more humiliated about passing out on him. Then he grinned, an almost boyish expression that took you off guard.</p>
<p>“Really? The way you were shouting that day, I thought for sure you were experienced.”</p>
<p>“N-no, Sir, that was just…” You swallowed thickly. “Talk…?”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to call me Sir here.” </p>
<p>You gasped with shock when you felt his hips buck up into yours, his arms tightening around your waist. Looking straight up at you with a gaze you couldn’t quite decipher, he whispered, “just let yourself go.”</p>
<p>You didn’t know how. There were too many emotions coursing through you, winding yourself up. His hands slipped up your body, following the curvature of your waist. The touch alone made you shiver, and reflexively you grabbed onto the sturdiest thing you could reach, which was his shoulder. It was like you could feel every muscle twitch beneath your palm. He was staring at you with brightly impassioned eyes, like he was starving, and you were about to be devoured. Your legs twitched around his hips uselessly. </p>
<p>“I’ll say it again. If you don’t want to do this, you can just leave. I won’t say anything. Just because I’m your Commander doesn’t mean I want to force you into something.” He suddenly backed away, the intensity of his gaze diffusing into a gentler one. It was obvious how stiff and scared you were. It was your last chance of an easy out. He was a kind man, even if he were ruthless on the battlefield—you knew you could trust his word. You would’ve left if you wanted to.</p>
<p>But you didn’t.</p>
<p>“You’re not forcing me,” you managed to whisper, voice cracking with the strain. “I… I <i>want</i> this.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p>You nodded. And then it was like something had snapped within him, because the kind man vanished instantly, and all of the sudden you had teeth in your neck. A noise you didn’t know you were capable of making wrangled itself out of your throat and you clutched at his hair. The closing of distance only allowed him to bite harder. It swelled, the sharp ache and mysterious pleasure. You felt like you were melting into him, boneless and weak.</p>
<p>“P-people will hear,” you gasped.</p>
<p>“Then let them.”</p>
<p>He moved his lips from your neck to your jaw to your lips, finally, his tongue delving so deep into your mouth it felt like he was violating you. You didn’t realize you’d been subconsciously rutting your hips into his until he returned the motion, a hard swell between the two of you. Every time it brushed between the hot vertex between your legs it felt like you’d been electrocuted, tingles running through your nerves to your fingertips. The air burnt as it whistled down your nose, but Erwin gave you no freedom to gasp for air. He was a dominator. Everybody knew that. You were just experiencing it firsthand. He bit down on your lip so hard you were sure you tasted blood, and all you could do was whimper into his mouth pathetically.</p>
<p>You, like most people of your generation, didn’t have much time for sex. You’d been drafted young, and between the life-threatening training and life-threatening work, lust was far from your mind. Most people were loath to talk about it unless they were drunk out of their minds. You didn’t know he was capable of this. You didn’t even really quite register what was happening, his hand suddenly over your breast, massaging it with a hungry desperation. You had no thoughts left to your head. It was like your humanity had left, leaving behind nothing but raw feeling. </p>
<p>And damn, did it feel good. </p>
<p>You rocked your hips over his, nails digging hard through his shirt into his shoulder muscles. Finally, he rewarded you with something for your efforts, a haggard grunt in his throat. His hands vanished, and you felt them struggling with your pants and ODM straps. You were powerless to resist as he freed you from your clothing. It was so hot. All you could do was cling to him and pant for air.</p>
<p>The pain from insertion woke you up enough to cry out, fingers clenching into fists so hard they must surely be scratching him even through his shirt. You’d never felt anything like this before. It was like you were being burnt, split open from the inside out. But Erwin shushed you, his hands cradling your hips tenderly despite the enormously sharp agony he was inflicting upon you. </p>
<p>“You’re so…” he gasped, ragged, and you realized just how much vulnerability the Almighty Commander was allowing you to see. You buried your face into his neck, biting down hard to stifle yourself. He whispered into your ear. “Just relax.”</p>
<p>You tried. But when he moved himself upwards, it still felt like he was driving you apart. The pleasure from before seemed meaningless. You could’ve begged for him to stop, but the words lodged themselves in your throat. Erwin’s hand was large on your lower back as he lifted you up slowly, moving you back down. Shifting you forwards, the angle changed, and suddenly it felt like you were awash with light.</p>
<p>“Oh <i>God</i>,” you swore, trembling on top of him. “Oh God, what…”</p>
<p>His arms traced delicate streams up your body until his hands locked on your shoulders. With harsh brutality, he dragged you down in a swift, piercing motion. It was like you’d exploded. Your eyes rolled back into your head, static filling your brain. You might as well be concussed with how hard he was jerking you around. You thought the chair legs were going to shatter. All you could do was hold on as he used you, mindlessly, cruelly, deeply, all-consumingly…</p>
<p>His forehead fell to your chest as his body shuddered, ever so slightly, but with tell-tale rhythm. Between his and yours ragged gasps for air, you couldn’t tell who was breathing harder. His seed was hot and wet against your stomach, foul-smelling, and yet you couldn’t find yourself to feel much but euphoria. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry about your uniform,” he apologized after recovering. His eyelashes were so fair that you’d never realized just how long they really were. “You can borrow one of my shirts.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no, that’s fine…” He was done with you. Wobbling to your feet, you struggled to shimmy back into your clothes. Erwin handed you a handkerchief, which you used awkwardly to wipe yourself off. </p>
<p>“Are you all right?” he asked quietly. You looked over, seeing how unkempt his hair was. He looked like an entirely different man. The one you knew who charged into battle on his white mount versus the one who fucked you like he might die tomorrow versus the one looking at you kindly, offering a clean white shirt. Who was the real Erwin?</p>
<p>“Yes, Sir—uh. Yes. I’m fine.”</p>
<p>He smiled softly. “Good.”</p>
<p>When you had finished buckling yourself back up, you stood shakily. It felt like you should say something else to close business, but you didn’t know what. Chiming up, you called, “good night.”</p>
<p>He looked up from whatever he was reading at his desk. If not for the messy strands of hair that you’d had between your fingers just moments ago, you’d never believe the heinous act you and he had just committed under God’s eyes. </p>
<p>“Yes, good night.” He looked back down dismissively, clearly disinterested in you all over again. You didn’t know why you felt like there was still more to be done and said. You swallowed the feeling and turned your back on him, slipping through the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Did you ever dream of starting a family?”</p><p>It was strange of Erwin to be so talkative after finishing with you. Curiously, you looked up from your bootstrap to see him hunched over, still shirtless, resting on his knees. He stared forwards at the lamp, apparently lost in thought. You shuffled over, placing your palm over his chest, covering the red marks on his pale skin.</p><p>“No,” you answered honestly, not having to think very hard. “I don’t think I could live with birthing another life into this world. Not after what I’ve seen.”</p><p>His heartbeat quickened underneath your fingertips as he inhaled deeply, sighing out. Not meeting your eyes, he spoke to the dead space before him.</p><p>“I think… once, I thought I’d like to have a son and raise him the way my father did me.”</p><p>It was starting to get awkward. You weren’t used to Erwin being so open with you like this. From the start the two of you had agreed that these meetings were for nothing more than physical release born out of convenience. Your hand fell from his skin, losing its warmth. Still, you were too intrigued to kill the conversation. </p><p>“What changed?” you murmured.</p><p>“I don’t know. I had a lot of comrades in my cadet unit. One man vowed to join the Survey Corps with me. But in the end, he chose <i>love</i> over humanity’s future. I don’t think I’ll ever understand him.”</p><p>Love. You didn’t quite understand it yourself. Ever since you’d been born into this world, you’d always felt that you had to do something bigger than yourself. The ‘right’ thing. Anything else was selfish; wasteful. </p><p>Like falling in love with him. </p><p>“Everybody has different motives,” you said, feeling distant all of the sudden.</p><p>“If you left the Survey Corps, would you go and start a family within the walls?”</p><p>You weren’t expecting him to look at you. His expression was so mournful, so doleful that you were caught completely off guard. His blue eyes were so impossibly coloured they looked unreal. You could only think to answer truthfully.</p><p>“I… no, I don’t think so.”</p><p>“Why not? It’d be a perfectly good life, don’t you think? No risk of being eaten alive… find somebody to love, raise children to love you until you die of old age…” He rested his chin in his palm, staring back at the lamp. You swallowed thickly, pulling your hands back into your lap. </p><p>“Maybe it would… but that’s not the life I chose.”</p><p>His eyes flickered back to you. “You and I are more similar than I imagined.” He sighed again, more heavily. “Once, I thought it could be me. But I don’t think a devil like me is equipped for love.”</p><p>Hesitantly, you reached out once more, about to pull away before steeling your resolve. You cupped his face in your hand. The weight of his head rested in your palm and splayed fingertips. </p><p>“Don’t say that. Every human should be allowed to love. It’s what we’re fighting for, isn’t it?”</p><p>Without moving his head, he turned his eyes on you. “Do you love me, then?”</p><p>Your fingers twitched on his jaw. “I…”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ask you something that. Especially in the line of business we’re in.” He stood all of the sudden, knocking your hand away. You clutched it to your chest as if it had been hurt. “You should go back to your tent. Get some rest. We’ll be riding at dawn.”</p><p>“Yeah. Okay.” </p><p>He didn’t turn to face you again even after you had left.</p><p>Even as you settled back into your own sleeping bed, you could see him burnt into the backs of your eyelids. That expression… what did it mean? What even <i>were</i> you fighting for? The good of your race, or the chance to stand by his side?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You have always been afraid to die.</p><p>It’s only natural. No living being <i>wants</i> to die. When things come into being, they live to breed, and those offspring shall live on, and so forth. And whether you die of starvation, or you get preyed upon, or you merely run out of time, you die anyways no matter how hard you tried to live. It’s the natural order of life. You might’ve slept through all your science lessons in school, but it’s fairly straightforward. No matter how brave you want to call yourself as a ‘soldier of humanity’s finest’, you’ve never wanted to die. </p><p>Yet now, you face its jaws. </p><p>It’s almost funny—how little goes through your head as the titan leers at you. You’ve escaped situations like these a handful of times before, and now it seems like you’re to pay that debt back in full. The female titan’s gotten away. It’s hopeless. Just like every time before, no matter what you do, it’s all too much. </p><p>You wondered if you loved Erwin. It’d been an arrangement, nothing more—but maybe you’ve always just said that just to convince yourself. It was never meant to be forever. The two of you didn’t know when it was your last day on Earth. He never took a wife because of it. How compassionate of him. You, younger, more naïve, had thought that maybe you’d get to see the end of this titan-infested reality and settle down and it’d end happily ever after. If you didn’t stop believing in it, perhaps it could come true. Would he remember you after you were gone?</p><p>You died a quick, painless death.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>---</p>
</div>“Nobody from my squad made it. How many people died for this? Was it worth it, Erwin? Was it really fucking worth it?!”<p>Erwin closed his eyes as Levi throttled him, strangling him with his own cloak. There was a certain expression he could coax from you, always, without fail. If he pretended he weren’t looking, he could catch you staring at him with a sort of hopeful longing, like he was so far away despite being within arm’s reach. He’d found that face of yours to be beautiful; the way your hair draped around your face and your eyes seemed so round. Now he felt like he was looking at <i>you</i>, that he was the one longing, and yet no matter how far he reached, he wouldn’t be able to touch you.</p><p>He slapped Levi across the face, making the shorter man stumble away in shock. His hand hung in the air unwaveringly. There was no emotion in his voice but resolution.</p><p>“We move forwards.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>---</p>
</div>“Hey, wake up. You’ve been asleep far too long, Commander.”<p>He opened his eyes. Everything felt hazy and… off. Propping himself up, he looked around, only to realize something strange—he stared at his right hand with horror, flexing the fingers. When he raised his head… <i>you</i> smiled back.</p><p>“Took you long enough, Erwin. I thought you’d keep me waiting forever.”</p><p>“Seriously,” Mike teased, standing behind you with his arms crossed across his chest. “What happened to you being punctual?”</p><p>“Am I…” He was afraid to say it; afraid to speak it out into reality. You smiled sorrowfully and reached your hand out, letting it hover before him.</p><p>“You did well. They’ll be fine. You can rest now.”</p><p>It was all he needed to hear. Weight and burden lifted off his shoulders, and it felt like his own heart might soar, taking flight. He reached out and grasped your hand, squeezing it tightly. </p><p>“I never got to realize my dream.”</p><p>“Of the truth?” you asked.</p><p>“Yes, but…” He stood with you, feeling light. “Maybe now I can allow myself to have a new dream.”</p><p>“Funny,” you said, holding him closely. “I was thinking the same thing.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the flashback of erwin's sad smile in the latest episode was UNCALLED FOR i was just starting to get over him T_T</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i quit watching aot in 2013 (real ones may remember my hauntingly bad levi/reader fic) and binged it all within the last week and like damn. there's a lot going on huh. the ethics and politics and everything aside i miss erwin aka anime chris evans :(<br/>find me at deltachye.tumblr.com</p></blockquote></div></div>
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